Gather round and I shall tell you a story, the greatest story ever told!
It all starts with a premature baby during his birth his mother tragically died.
Raised by an alcoholic father he was taken to a mysterious island at a young age.
In time he became a work man on the island but secretly he had struck a bargain with a group of people to wipe out his friend, family and coworkers.
After massacring everyone he rises to the position of leader of the island.
During this time he also because a secret agent with the multiple identities and a wedge of cash so thick you could use it to beat whales to death with.
Unsatisfied with this simple lot in life he kidnaps a young girl, and raises her as his own. Also he learns to communicate with Jacob, a strange being whom only he can communicate with.
Some time later he contracts spine cancer and after a spinal surgeon miraculously crashes onto his island he is cured and given a clean bill of health.
After surviving an invasion of his island, during which his daughter dies, he goes on a revenge mission against a billionaire (who he actually stole the island from originally). To do this he manages to learn how to time travel.
How will this epic end, watch lost to find out!
*Quick recap
Ben:
Premature baby->White trash->Janitor->Traitor->Island leader->Kidnapper->Mystic->Spy->Cancer patient->Survivalist->Mission of revenge->Time traveler
Got to say boys done good! Possible future occupations (based on things they haven’t ripped off yet or have only partially ripped off):
Darth Ben (star wars)
Beninator (terminator)
Benbo (rambo)
Benzilla (Godzilla)
Beneus (matrix)
Jesus Benst (the bible)
I mean can this show get any worse? They’ve even got Sawyer caring about Hurley now, since when did he care about anything other than himself and the contents of freckles panties. God I almost long for the days when everyone wondered ‘what is up with all these polar bears?’ instead we now have every cheesy second rate sci-fi plot device known to man strapped into a secret agent motif. For the love of god someone please find the nearest volcano and push JJ Abrams into it! The man just hasn’t done anything good on this show since he got to write the new star trek film (ask me he just can’t be bothered now he’s got film scripts to write).
Here endeth the rant!