I don't understand why everyone is so hard on Phyllis. In spite of what Harold said on camera, I don't get the feeling from what his kids and wife were saying that he was very caring about his family. Sure he was romantic at first. Who isn't when they are trying to win someone. Once he married her however, he obviously became very controlling. Phyllis said he was very physically aggressive when it came to sex. She wanted to be romanced and he just wanted to her to perform. Sure, she cheated on him, but she also mentioned that he would get drunk and touch other women. If he would do that in front of everyone, then what was he likely doing behind her back? Of course he would be happy in that kind of marriage. He was getting what he wanted. The trips away likely helped make things better, but being that she couldn't leave the house without his permission, I don't see those as a sign of her having personal freedom.
As for Phyllis..She eventually gave up the man she DID love to keep from hurting her family. I think in that sense, she was being selfless. It is unfortunate that she didn't know then that she would end up being so unhappy that her children would suffer for it. Its sad she married before she was really ready just because society told her that having sex with a man meant you had to. Perhaps she could have found true happiness if she hadn't married Harold.
In any case, I have to disagree with the person that claimed that love is a decision, not a feeling. People can't control who they fall in love with. Anyone that says they can I would have to assume never really felt it. If it were that simple, bad relationships wouldn't exist. We would just decide to stop loving that person and move on.

If this movie proves anything, it proves something we all already know but often choose to pretend doesn't exist. That is: Long-term, sexually monogamous, intimate relationships conflict PROFOUNDLY with human nature. There is no god of marriage, nor is there a god of longitudinal monogamy. Sorry.If this movie upsets you, don't be mad at Phyllis. Be mad at silly conventional institutions like marriage that society & religion foist upon us and to which we are then expected to conform. Convention isn't rational, it's simply widespread. (HINT: Mass hysteria & hypnosis can also be widespread.)There is damned good reason why no one has ever said, or filmed, or written that the BIG loves of our lives come easily. They don't. Human beings were not designed for LTRs. Get into one & suffer through it (like Harold SEEMINGLY did--he is not delved into deeply enough here), get into one and discover a work-around (like Phyllis did--and still suffered), or don't get into one. The choice is yours, but don't fool yourselves. Those are, to be sure, your only choices.