Hulu - Videos for Onion News Network

Onion News Network - Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

Onion News Network - Scientists Discover 90 Percent of Earth’s Atmosphere Made from Thoughts, Prayers

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

UMass Dartmouth is beginning to regret offering a course in Applied Domestic Terrorism, a social media rockstar makes $28,000 a year, and Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace comes out as a stupid asshole. It's the week of May 3, 2013.

Onion News Network - Mentally Unstable Man to Exhibit 1 or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

Local mentally ill man Michael Redding, 26, announced his intention Thursday to display one or two further instances of troubling behavior before finally going ahead and carrying out what he has planned.

Onion News Network - Man Says 'F*** It,' Eats Lunch at 10:58 A.M.

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m. Wednesday that, fuck it, he was ready for lunch.

Onion News Network - Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is the Next Big Thing

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo announced Thursday the launch of its new Mountain Dew CinnaBlast beverage.

Onion News Network - Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens to F*** Their Brains Out

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

The above is a 2008 PSA issued by the Department of Health and Human Services in support of the “Fuck Your Brains Out” sex education program.

Onion News Network - All of Nation's Living Presidents Gather to Lie About Bush Presidency

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:31:15 -0000

A study finds that wolf attacks are still the leading cause of death in America, a man says 'fuck it' and eats lunch and 10:58 a.m., and Dzhokar Tsarnaev posts bail. It's the week of April 26, 2013.

Onion News Network - Couple Making Out at Bus Stop Like It’s Paris

Wed, 22 May 2013 01:45:05 -0000

According to locals waiting for the westbound number 66 shuttle at Chicago Avenue and Racine Avenue, a young man and woman seated on a bench at the bus stop are currently making out like it’s Paris or something.

Onion News Network - Earth Refuses to Decompose Tamerlan Tsarnaev

Tue, 21 May 2013 23:19:14 -0000

A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this.

Onion News Network - Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away from Resolving Issues

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:42:05 -0000

After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away from completely resolving all of his problems.

Onion News Network - There Are People in World Who Are Concerned About Current State of Hip-Hop

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:12:13 -0000

A report published Friday by a team of sociologists has confirmed there are apparently people living in the world today who are deeply concerned about the current state of hip-hop and who continually express genuine worry over the musical genre’s future.

Onion News Network - Cutest Guy in Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:12:13 -0000

Onion News Network - Brad Pitt Decides to Grow Out Forehead Hair

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:12:13 -0000

Leading social media site HarvardConnection is now valued at $400 billion, a couple is making out like its fucking Paris, and a freezing coatless woman has decided it's spring. It's the week of April 12, 2013.

Onion News Network - Report: Saxophone Still an Okay Vehicle for Self-Expression

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:32:05 -0000

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s unique

Onion News Network - Onion News Empire Official Trailer

Wed, 08 May 2013 17:12:14 -0000

Check out the trailer for Onion News Empire.

Onion News Network - Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready to Hang It up

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 21:23:04 -0000

Saying that he’s probably done all he could possibly do at this point, Twitter user Aaron Gartner confirmed Tuesday that after posting 10,000 tweets and accumulating just 15 followers, the 26-year-old is pretty much ready to pack it in and discontinue his

Onion News Network - s3 | e238 - Jessica Simpson Goes On Nationwide Book Tour to Promote the Novel She Read

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 04:32:12 -0000

The pregnant starlet has finished reading her long-awaited first book and is currently traveling the country to promote the John Grisham thriller to her fans.

Onion News Network - Area Woman Thinks All of Her Friends Should Be Comedians

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:53:27 -0000

According to statements made this week by office manager Caitlin Mooney, 26, her friends are all so funny that they should be comedians.

Onion News Network - Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing to Kill for Mazda

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 14:32:04 -0000

In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.

Onion News Network - Ten Years Later, Cheney Haunted by People He Didn’t Manage to Kill in Iraq War

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 06:29:04 -0000

In a rare, candid interview, former Vice President Dick Cheney admitted he regrets that he couldn’t produce more casualties in the decade-long conflict.